Mental conditioning
I’ve never been “skinny”. Throughout primary school and high school the mean boys called me fat. I truly believed I was. Sometimes I was depressed about it and other times I would just get on with enjoying life with people who didn’t want to put me down.
The truth is, I don’t think I was ever really fat, at least not when I was in school. I was on the pudgy side, sure. I was not skinny, but my BMI was probably in a healthy range, or possibly the low end of overweight. However, when I did leave school — left the convenience of organised sport, no longer had set meal times, left Mum’s cooking — I put on weight. It was reasonably gradual; on the order of 20kg (about 44lb) over 5 years.
The worst weight increase was over 2008 when I was doing honours at uni (and mostly hating it), doing almost no exercise (because I spent so much time at uni) and eating a lot of big carb-filled meals (very good pasta, risotto and curries at uni).
Going up
Why am I talking about this?
I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned being overweight on my blog before… Partly because I was embarrassed: why, when you can present any version of yourself that you want, would you include the fat part? Also, I didn’t realise how much weight I’d actually put on. When you start putting on weight there are some natural reflexes, such as avoiding mirrors and photographs, that help you fool yourself into thinking that you haven’t really put on that much. And since I’ve had it in my head since childhood that I am fat, it’s easy to dismiss an increase in weight as “just the way I am”.
But now, losing weight has been such a significant part of the last year, that I feel the need to document it in some way.
The realisation
My weight loss journey started on a pretty ordinary day. I was in my local shopping centre and I saw my reflection in a shop window. I thought to myself “What the hell? You don’t look like that! When did you get so fat?” I decided something had to be done.
The reasons
It’s not just about looks. My Mum survived Breast Cancer and my Dad has Type II Diabetes; being overweight is a risk factor for both of those diseases, and I would rather not get them too! Not to mention the host of other diseases and health risks associated with being overweight.
Although losing weight doesn’t guarantee I won’t get them (I don’t think Mum was overweight when she got cancer), at least I know I’ve done what I can to reduce my chances.
For those that look at the photos above and think “she’s not that fat”, or “I’ve seen worse”, if being that size was a health risk for me (and it was!), imagine what a health risk it is to be bigger! For a long time I didn’t worry about my weight because there is always someone bigger, but your health is not something that you should put at risk because the risks are socially acceptable. Disease doesn’t grade on a curve.
The change
On the 23rd April 2009 I joined Weight Watchers. I chose Weight Watchers because Mum had done it before and I was a bit familiar with the POINTS system. I don’t regret joining for a moment! I have really enjoyed learning about food and health and I really enjoy eating healthier and feeling better.
Weight Watchers has some really good resources and they give you so much useful information in non-overwhelming batches. For example, at the start they give you booklets about getting started (which I still go back to for recipes sometimes) and about the Good Health Guidelines. When you try to stick to those guidelines (1 portion of carbs with every meal, protein 2-3 times a day, 5 serves of veggies, 2 serves of fruit, 8 glasses of water etc) your body functions so much better. It’s brilliant!
Over the last 10 months I’ve lost 22.4kg (and still going). Everything seems so much easier now! Moving, exercising, clothes shopping… it’s all loads easier. I even feel like I can relate to people better because I’m not self-conscious, and I’m no longer uncomfortable in my own skin.
Going down
A lot of people are embarrassed to discuss weight loss or eating habits, and I empathise completely. It would be nice if we weren’t though. It’d be great if we could openly encourage each other to be healthier, without seeming superficial.
I haven’t been reading weight loss blogs or anything, but one blog crossed my Twitter stream recently. Kudos to Tyler for sharing his journey and giving others handy hints along the way!
Avoiding vanity
Sometimes I’ve wondered how taking care of ourselves fits in with a Christian worldview. Sometimes the health reasons for losing weight can seem like excuses and one can get caught up in just looking good.
I have found myself falling into that trap and need to remind myself that a godly women adorns herself in good works (1 Tim 2), she’s a woman who loves Christ and loves others.
However, there are so many benefits to losing excess weight that will benefit your ministry too, I think it’s not only okay, but maybe even wise. God has given us this body and it’s the only one we’re gonna get (until Jesus returns). Healthier eating and regular exercise strengthens your body against illness, strengthens your muscles and bones, increases your metabolism, gives you more energy and helps you to sleep better. Also, there’s the relational stuff I mentioned before. Having more energy, getting sick less often, and feeling confident to relate to others sound like excellent assets to ministry to me.
Big thanks to everyone who has supported me thus far!
Wow, Kris, congrats!!! That is quite an accomplishment. My mom lost 50 lbs with WW 11 years ago and has kept it off. I’m so proud of her! I joined WW, too, when I noticed myself going up. I didn’t lose much weight (I didn’t need to), but I really learned the habits of a healthy lifestyle and I’m glad I joined. The support you get from the group meetings is really important, too (some people try WW but don’t do meetings and think the whole system is bunk because of that).
A verse that I always go back to is Prov. 31: 17, “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” That sounds a lot like cardio and weight lifting to me! π And of course there’s always the fact that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit and so should be well taken care of! That’s spiritual!
Kris,
Congrats – and thanks for sharing.
Thanks, also, for the reminder that we are called to be good stewards of everything we’re given by God, including our health and our bodies. It’s something I need to consider a lot more.
You go girl! You have been such an inspiration to me. Your openness inspired me to join WW and get to my goal weight. Keep on going for goal – not long now!
Great job Kris! All my life I was ‘over-weight’, and about 7 years ago I lost over 100lbs. One thing I learned from it all is that, for some, the hardest part is Taking the first step.
Just as you mentioned, there was a complete turning point in your thought (that moment while shopping). Often times that point is overshadowed by excuses, and congrats to you for not bombarding yourself with those and deciding to press forward!
PS Thanks for sharing your experience!
Vanity aside, you look great! Congrats, and good for you. You have a pretty face – take your hands off your avatar pic. π
Lauren — Thanks. Yes, keeping it off will be the next thing. Great that your Mum has managed to do that!
I read Proverbs 31 last night (glanced over it really) and wondered if I should quote it, I did notice that bit, that she’s strong and able. There’s also “her clothing is fine linen and purple”, i.e., it’s good for her to look nice for her husband!
RKF — Thanks! You’re right. I think it’s always a good reminder to take care of what we’ve been given, no matter what it is (right now thinking of the silly people who think that having dominion over the earth means using and abusing it however we like), but especially the things are are irreplaceable.
Ali — Thanks hun! I’m so glad we could share some of that journey!
Justin — Cheers! You are so right about that first step and about how the first step is not just the very first one, but the daily one, your first step to head to the gym or whatever. I wonder if humans have always had to fight such apathy, or whether it’s more so in our generation. On a related note, you have to really want it to lose weight I think. It won’t work if you’re not determined and therefore no one can make you do it either.
Hal — You know I’ve actually been considering since this weekend whether I should change my avatar. Thanks for the vote to do so! I feel like I’ve been using it for so long that no one will recognise me if I do!
Kris,
I’ve read your blog for a while now, mostly for Thesis hints and tips, but I can’t help leaving a comment to congratulate you on not only your progress, but your bravery in publicly chronically your both side of your journey. So CONGRATULATIONS on starting your journey, your progress so far and the self-confidence, esteem and compassion to share with others.
There is nothing wrong with liking the way you look. It’s a “freebie” for being healthy and in shape so enjoy it. The God I get glimpses of every once in a while gets a kick out of us enjoying this fantastic machine he gave us.
Thanks for being so candid, open and honest Kris!
I love your blog and really appreciate you.
You’re an inspiration to me and I want to congratulate you on the weight loss!
Congratulations with the weight loss, Kris.
+1 from me too for changing your avatar with your uncovered pretty face π
Hello Kris,
This is my first time here and I subscribed because I truly liked your design. And then I started reading your posts.
Kudos to you, keep it up. I quit smoking about 6 months ago and it has really helped me. Every now and then I want one, but it’s getting easier.
:~D
WOW Kris, you’re looking GRRRRREAT! Congratulations to you for successfully losing those weight π
Feeling good about yourself and being healthy are very important. I have never met a guy who said “you must meet my new girlfriend she is really skinny!!!”
good luck on your journey and thanks for the tips.
David
Congrats Kris! You are looking great! Now the trick is to keep it off. As someone going through the “going down” cycle now, it is what I worry about the most. It is easy to say “oh that’s okay, I can have that heavy pasta dish” or “I can skip my workout today-this week–this month” Keep up the great work! And for the record, I think we will recognize you with a new avatar roll out. π
Weight loss – keep up the good work. You do look great.
Avatar – please update it. I have always found it to be unsettling but didn’t want to say anything.
Dave — Thanks! You are right, God is certainly not averted to joy and pleasure. π
Greg — Thank you. I did avoid broaching this topic for ages, and then suddenly it was time, I’m glad it was so well received.
inspiration bit — Thanks Vivien! I’m putting it on my list of things to do today to find a new avatar π
Jim — Congrats on quitting smoking! Hope you can keep it up and feel great!
Pelf — Thank you π Hope you’re doing well.
David — Cheers! You are right, although looks tend to draw people to each other, in the end it doesn’t mean that much. Being healthy is much more important.
Steve — Amen to that! My cousin lost almost as much as I have, a few years ago, but in that time she’s put all of it back on, and more. Hopefully that’s where my learning about food etc will come in handy in the long term. Also, I’m starting back at karate tonight! Good exercise habits help, I had fallen out of the habit of going to karate training, but look forward to picking it back up.
Rick — Wow, unsettling isn’t one I’ve had before, most people say they think it’s cute, or when I’m annoyed or upset about something on Twitter they say it matches my tweet… I hope it makes it a little less unsettling for you to know that the avatar is actually left over from when I was younger and afraid to put my face on the net after some less pleasant experiences with men approaching me… Or maybe that makes it more unsettling? Anyway, I’m past that now and will find a new avatar!
yes! keep fingers cosed for you π
Congratulations Kris, that’s quite the journey.
A sincere congratulations to you!
And there’s nothing like openness to make an issue more manageable, the less secret something is I find the easier it is to deal with.
Great story, thanks for sharing. I can’t get started…
jajqo — Thanks!
Lucas — Thanks! You’re right about being open: accountability is a good thing.
Rob — Cheers! Do you mean you can’t get started losing weight or you can’t get started talking about it? I think it takes a pretty specific turning point and determination to start losing weight. If you don’t have that determination right now, then you don’t have it. I don’t think it’s something to feel guilty about.
Kris:
What I mean is I can’t get started on any program to lose it. My issue is that I’ve only got 15 or so to lose so it’s easy to ignore. But I know I need to lose it and know how it creeps up a little at a time until it’s a much larger problem. That’s how it got to be 15, first I ignores the 5, then the 10..
I agree, it takes a specific turning point to make you commit to the changes required.
Happy to see you were so successful and you are looking great!
Rob — I see what you mean. As much as I’ve enjoyed Weight Watchers and learnt alot there, those types of programs are not the be-all-and-end-all. I don’t know if you have this in the US, but in Australia there was a big thing about GI (glycemic index) and some studies and recipe books brought out by the CSIRO and so on, which essentially encourages you to eat foods that keep you satisfied for longer, choosing foods that take longer to digest and release energy more slowly to keep you going (low GI foods). That’s worth looking into if you’re interested.
Great job! I’m so happy for you!
Crap. I hate it when THAT ????olqu??o? happens!
Ha yeah, thought you might be spam at first with all those question marks! I imagine that WordPress might filter the contents of the comment fields to protect against malicious code, but must not understand the upside down characters.
Thanks for your comment though!
Hey
I just stumbled back to your blog looking for thesis tips, and found this very moving. Thanks for sharing. It must have taken a lot of courage….Even more so with the reach of the web I noticed your avatar change recently but did not know the full story. Keep going!
Craig
I just discovered your site while researching whether I should use the Thesis theme for my blog redesign … I’m in the middle of bringing it to my server. I noticed we share an interest in the Bible and a weight loss story. I lost 20 pounds when my dad had a stroke from diabetes … then hit a plateau and gained 10 of it back. Last year I got my motivation up again, and lost 20 more to 175. and it makes me feel sooo much better, and feel better too. I find the only way to keep it off is to change my definition of “full”, to eat fewer carbs, and to force myself to consistently exercise. Also, I found it’s great to get rid of old clothes… I dropped a pant size and am now where I was in my early 20s… what’s great about that is, when I start eating again as I did the last 3 weeks, I feel it in my middle and I know to go back to what I know to do. It’s such a good feeling and I can tell you’re finding your motivation the same way I am. Thanks for your courage and honesty!
Craig — Thanks for your comment π Don’t know about courage… maybe. It just felt like time to speak up and it’s been well received; it’s nice to connect with people on a more personal level.
Owen — You’re right about “full”, we really don’t need to eat as much as we often do. Reducing portion sizes is very significant, and choosing foods that keep you satisfied, not just empty sugars. In some ways getting rid of clothes is good, but now I have to spend so much on buying more! And there were some clothes that I really liked! I’m going to try to take some in with my sewing machine… if I ruin them it’s not a big deal since I can’t wear them now, but if I succeed I can wear them again. π
Hey Kris,
I’ve come to your blog many times for Thesis tidbits and today to look at your cappuccino skin. I’d actually never realized how close we are in age until I read this post.
After I started grade school, I was really chubby until high school. During high school and the first few years of college, I was very slim but I worked hard at it. After I got pregnant, I have had a heck of a time loosing weight and have considered Weight Watchers several times. Sadly I know where my issue is- Everytime the little one has sweets or a cookie, I end up having one too. We eat well, but those “hidden” bites are what’s killing me. I think you have inspired me to seek out a WW group and see how it goes.
Thanks for sharing this!!
Erica — I know what you mean. I always knew those things were “sometimes foods”, but I had no idea how often “sometimes” was. I’ve noticed that I’m confronted by sweets and cookies and stuff very often. It’s a brand new thing to me to say no to them (unless I’m crazy hungry and there’s nothing else, but I usually try to plan ahead to avoid being crazy hungry with no other food around).
Hi Kristarella
Just came across your site via fourblogger, I am new to thesis and am struggling to even get a header on my blog !!
Great looking blog and you are very cute too
Phil.
Hi Kris –
I just found your website looking for information about Thesis. I admit that I saw your photo on a post and thought “who is that cute girl” and then clicked on your picture. I saw your photos before you lost weight and then your more current ones. I just wanted to say that I have a weight problem and am about to look into weight watchers now. Congratulations. You are an inspiration!
Fantastic! WW is a really balanced plan. I lost about 35lbs on it a few years ago. Then let myself go again after some troubling/stressful times π I was too strict with myself when I was on WW and got burned out on it and can’t make myself do it again.
But I have determined to just eat healthier, more fruits/veggies, less fast foods, and will take up road biking in the next month. I’ve also started doing the ‘green smoothie’ thing…basically hiding your greens in fruit based smoothies and getting all your daily servings in the morning. just google green smoothies on youtube. I bought the high speed blendtec blender and it totally rocks it. it will make ice cream/sorbet and hot soups too π
Its really cool knowing exactly what is in your smoothie or soup. No additives, preservatives, sodium, etc. You have to eat it right away because there are no preservatives and it won’t stay good for days π
Keep it up and let your inner self change with the outer.
Scott — Good on you! Whether you join Weight Watchers, or go with a different plan, best of luck to you!
Eric — Yes, at the WW meetings they really encourage you to stick to the program while having lots of variety and doing what works for you, otherwise you do get burnt out or bored and give up… Good luck with your road biking!
I bought a new cookbook recently, it’s been great so far, and should be excellent for winter, lots of yummy looking soups!
You look great Kris
One of the things about weight is that most of us believe that as we get older we must get heavier.
I let myself put weight on and it was only when my doctor made a comment that I decided to do something about it….
I bought a set of dumbbells and a weight bench, put on some muscle, burnt off the fat and at 58 I’ve never felt better.
Works for women too.
Keith — Thanks π Yes, muscle building is important, not just for looking toned, but it’s one of the few things that actually increased your metabolism: having more muscle. I have slacked off my exercises a bit recently, I really should make more effort to do them daily.
Always keep ur head up! It’s not important what other say or think as long as u love urself
I too congratulate you on your success. For what it’s worth, I found weight loss through another revelation — that of being gluten intolerant. It’s been quite a quest over these last few years–first the Gluten and then Type 2 Diabetes. I found as I got older I (I was always the skinny kid) I began to put on weight. Once the Gluten sensitivity was revealed I struggled for a long time with the transition away from Gluten. It was like being on the South Beach Diet all the time but with the help of my wife we’ve come a long way. The weight drops and stays off but the best thing–migraine headaches that I fought for years have all but disappeared and there’s an overall feeling of — well, just feeling much better. Leaving the Gluten off the menu did wonders for me in so many ways. Congratulations again!